In addition to square footage and the condition of the roof, it’s important to consider who your neighbors will be when buying a home. Investigate them via online searches, public records, and even social media sites like Facebook and Twitter. Bad neighbors can ruin a great house, so be on the lookout for these 17 types of terrible neighbors.
1. A Social Rival
If we’ve learned anything from Arrested Development, we’ve learned living next door to a social rival like Lucille 2 is fraught with danger. It starts with petty comments and insults at the club, but eventually this elderly harlot is dating your son, Buster Bluth. Take it from Lucille Bluth—they don’t make martinis strong enough to deal with a neighbor like that.
2. Crappy Band House
Living next to a terrible band that practices at night is something to avoid, but it could be worse. Imagine the poor homeowners who live next door to the Canadian rock band Nickelback, widely viewed as the worst band of the past decade. Let’s all take a moment to say a quiet prayer that one day their suffering will end and their ears will know peace.
3. Chubby Napoleon With Nukes
North Korea is the worst kind of neighbor. It threatens you with nuclear weapons and bums food off you, keeps gulags on its property, but the worst part is it invites Dennis Rodman over to “just hang and have some fun.” Terrible.
4. Arrogant Green Thumb
Your neighbor’s incredible landscaping, meticulous lawn care, and impressive garden puts your yard to shame. And they like to rub it in every chance they get.
5. Dangerous Pet
Whether it’s just a vicious dog growling behind a questionable fence, a crazed ape, or an 800-pound grizzly bear, a dangerous animal living next door is not optimal. Actually, cancel that. That bear is awesome.
A&E’s hit show Hoarders has revealed just what’s going on inside the cluttered homes of America’s most disturbed hoarders. The piles of rotting garbage are so sick we’ve provided an image of a dollhouse of hoarders instead of a real pic. If your home is next to a hoarder’s then one day you might be interviewed by the local media regarding the neighbor who was eaten by his/her 40 cats and nobody wants to do that.
7. Over-The-Top Holiday Lights
You love the holidays as much as the next person, but you do not like the bright, searing light of the lit-up home that glows day and night. The only comparable thing to living beside this is living on the surface of the sun.
8. House Covered With Wind Chimes
According to the principles of Feng Shui, wind chimes restore balance and harmony to a home or yard. According to the principles of good taste, wind chimes are tacky, terrible and one of the most effective ways to make any neighbor in earshot justifiably hate your guts.
9. Justin Bieber
Your teenage daughter may be thrilled, but The Beebs is reputed to be a rotten neighbor. He is alleged to speed dangerously through the neighborhood in his Ferrari, and he’s being charged with spitting on a neighbor and threatening to kill him. Plus, Bieber rolls with a questionable crew of little friends, like Lil Za and Lil Twist, and there are allegations of Sizzurp use (a codeine blend), pot parties (marijuana soirees), and even a pet monkey. As if that isn’t enough, he sometimes plays his own music loudly and that music is terrible.
10. Creepy Peeping Tom
Ever get that feeling you’re being watched? If you live next door to one of these creepers it’s probably because you are. Better factor a privacy fence and curtains into the purchase price of the house.
11. The Kramer
A neighbor that drops by unannounced isn’t as funny as network television would have you believe. Eventually the comedic antics lose their charm and the spastic neighbor constantly intruding and eating your cereal begins to annoy you.
12. Meth Lab
Everybody loves a neighborhood cookout, unless the neighbors are cooking meth.
13. Celebrity Neighbor
You’d think living next door to Jennifer Anniston would be fun, right? You could borrow a cup of sugar from your huge movie star pal and maybe she’d could come over with a bottle of chardonnay and Chelsea Handler to talk about boys. Maybe she would even cat sit for you! However, whenever she leaves the house you’ll find the paparazzi camped out in your front yard and just imagine how that stampeding hoard of professional stalkers would trample the peonies.
14. A Farm
The countryside sounds lovely, but it’s not for everyone. Be sure to consider what it’s like to live by a farm, because a lot of people don’t know how real it can get.
15. Common Criminals
They rummage through your mail, remove your car stereos, and pedal off on your unlocked bicycle. If you want to have your UPS packages snatched off your front porch then by all means move next door to some criminals.
16. Old Lady That’s Impossible to Please
You can play your music on the lowest volume, tiptoe about like a ballerina, and that miserable hag next door will still find something to complain about. It’s no wonder her children don’t visit.
Their boisterous antics are mildly adorable, but they will litter your yard with Red Solo Cups, and you can count your housepets being shaved as part of some terrible initiation ritual.