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29 Reasons You Should Live In Wisconsin

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Some think Wisconsin is a mythical place, an imagined wonderland of beer and cheese that Minnesota parents invented to get their kids to move away from home. Not so, Wisconsin is real and it is fantastic and it makes no sense that everyone hasn’t already moved there. To prove it, here are 29 reasons you should live in Wisconsin…

TOILET PAPER IS AMPLE

The only thing worse than running out of toilet paper is unnecessary hyperbole. Luckily, Green Bay, Wisconsin is the Toilet Paper Capital of the World. So go ahead and wipe like you’re some kind of Charmin Bear because the T.P. is abundant.

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IT’S BEERVANA

Wisconsin could just as easily be called The Beer State. This land of malted hops and barley welcomed German immigrants and their brewing traditions with open arms. A staggering 3.9% of the state’s GDP comes from beer, with over 60,000 people employed in the beer industry. One brewery in Milwaukee alone produces 10 million barrels of beer annually—that’s 10 million barrels of fun! Milwaukee even named their baseball team the Brewers.

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You can find other Drink Wisconsinbly products at DrinkWisconsinbly.com

GREEN BAY PACKERS

What team has an NFL record 13 championships, 22 Hall of Famers, and is owned by the fans themselves instead of some local billionaire? The NFL’s greatest franchise—the Green Bay Packers. Being a winner feels good, too.

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THE WOMEN OF WISCONSIN

  1. Can outdrink men from any other state (except Alaska and North Dakota)
  2. Make denim on denim look good (sorry Canada)
  3. Wear skirts and heels when it’s 20 below and never complain about the cold
  4. Are finally over their Brett Favre crushes, except Donna in Oshkosh
  5. Open their own pickle jars
  6. Would rather clean a walleye than the kitchen
  7. Sometimes wear brassieres made of cheese, which is the inspiration behind the Dairy Queen Brazier
  8. Can throw a snowball 20 yards further than women in Minnesota
  9. Keep a photo of Donald Driver in their wallets
  10. Currently have a nice casserole baking in the oven

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PHOTO SOURCE:  PACKER TIME

THE MEN OF WISCONSIN

  1. Always oil your chainsaw before returning it
  2. Wear ponytails way better than guys in Illinois (see Clay Matthews)
  3. Propose to you while deer hunting
  4. Are happy to take your mom out for drinks on her birthday
  5. Buy a round of drinks when they win cash at pull tabs
  6. Put the toilet seat down because it’s not like they’re from Iowa
  7. Never, NEVER play the Goo Goo Dolls on a jukebox
  8. Only sit alone in their truck and cry when the dog dies
  9. Regret not making friends with Russell Wilson in college
  10. Never lie about their marathon time, even if they’re running for office

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ALWAYS GOT MILK

Wisconsin earned the title of “Dairy Capital of the World” because it produces more milk than any other state, except for California, which isn’t fair because California is really big. Still, 2nd place isn’t bad, and wholesome Wisconsin doesn’t corrupt it’s milk with exposure to twerking and molly and marijuana cigarettes.

Miley Cyrus Got Milk Ad

SO MUCH CHEESE

People say “Where there’s smoke there’s fire,” but nobody ever says “Where there’s milk there’s cheese.” That’s way better, and it’s totally true for Wisconsin, which produces 25% of the nation’s cheese and wears 99% of all cheese hats.

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FRIED CHEESE CURDS

For those who like their cheese squeaky and deep fried, Wisconsin is fried cheese curd paradise. These tasty little cheese nuggets are battered and fried, then served up with a cold beer. Wisconsin is like the county fair, except its an entire state and the fair food lasts all year long.

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A LAND OF SECOND CHANCES

Russell Wilson was an undersized quarterback who transferred from NC State University to Wisconsin for his final year of eligibility. While there, he took the Badgers to the Rose Bowl and now he’s the star quarterback for the resurgent Seattle Seahawks. There are magical powers at work in the Wisconsin, especially when it comes to underrated quarterbacks that other teams didn’t want (see Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre).

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Photo Source:  College Sports Madness

FATHERS OF ANARCHY

Wisconsin (Milwaukee) is the home of Harley Davidson Motorcycles so maybe you could work for them? Maybe you could invent a remote control that silences a neighbor revving their Harley’s engine for a solid 10 minutes at 5:30 in the morning? You might even win a Nobel Prize for that. Check out Harley Davidson’s job page HERE.

Tour of Harley-Davidson Vehicle Operations.

THE WATERPARK CAPITAL OF THE WORLD

Wisconsin Dells pioneered the indoor water park, and then these aqua innovators went on to create 20+ waterparks, the largest concentration of outdoor and indoor water parks of any place on the planet. You can recreate there.

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LOCALLY PRODUCED PEOPLE

These famous folks are all from Wisconsin…

  1. Harry Houdini, famous magician and escape artist
  2. Actress Heather Graham
  3. Frank Lloyd Wright, the country’s most famous architect
  4. Comedic actor Chris Farley
  5. Mr. Baseball (announcer Bob Uecker)
  6. Comedian Frank Caliendo
  7. Musical performer Liberace
  8. Musician Steve Miller
  9. John Matuszak (Sloth from The Goonies)

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MEET YOUR OWN PAUL BUNYAN

Wisconsin’s timber industry isn’t the powerhouse it used to be, but people still find work in the woods, and the state is even home to the Lumberjack World Championships and Fred Scheer’s Lumberjack Shows. If you’ve dreamed of becoming a champion logroller or take first place in the standing chop competition, Wisconsin is prime training ground. It’s also a good place to date loggers, millworkers, and people who sweep up sawdust.

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MISSISSIPPI RIVER ADVENTURE

The Mississippi River forms part of Wisconsin’s border with Minnesota. It also provides a nice jumping off point for a 1,200-mile aft trip if you want to go all Huckleberry Finn and travel to New Orleans just like ye olde French fur trappers may have once done.

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UNEMPLOYMENT

The unemployment rate for Wisconsin is 6.7%, which is better than the national average of 7.3%, and far better than its neighbors Michigan (9.0%) and Illinois (9.2%). Try and ignore neighboring Iowa (4.9%) and Minnesota (5.1%) and just be happy Wisconsin still has manufacturing jobs.

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COW CHIP THROWING CONTEST

Most people avoid the excrement of cows. Some gather it up for fertilizer. And the brave people of Prairie du Sac use it in their State Cow Chip Throwing Contest each Labor Day. That’s the kind of can-do spirit that built America.

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ICE FISHING

This is not a performance of Disney’s recently canceled show “Outhouses On Ice.” In fact, these are ice fishing shanties, which is where people pretend to fish through holes in the ice as part of a socially acceptable way to get drunk in nature. You would be encouraged to participate.

Fishing

Source:  Flickr

AMERICA’S BEST MUSTACHES

Mustaches are back en vogue right now, but in Wisconsin they never went out of style. Upper lip bristles are worn by all segments of Wisconsin society, including some the state’s most iconic people. To check the authenticity of a mustache be sure to examine it up close. If there are tiny flecks of cheese curd, beer foam, and/or powdered donut then the mustache is genuine and must be treated with respect.

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Photo Source:  Total Packers

LGBT RIGHTS

Wisconsin elected the first openly lesbian member of congress, but it has yet to approve same-sex marriage, which is reason enough to move there and to make that happen. The state does allow domestic partnerships, and it also features these two dudes on the state flag. Once same-sex marriage is legal in Wisconsin the flag will be changed to show the two pioneers high fiving.

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HUMBLE PEOPLE

It’s nice to think that reason so few people in Wisconsin have set any world records is because they’re humble and don’t like to attract much attention. The state is largely free of showboats, discounting this proud Guinness Book of World Records holder, a man who’s has eaten a McDonald’s Big Mac every single day for 37 years.

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THEY’RE INTO POLITICS

Wisconsin ranks number three in overall voter turnout with 61% over the past six elections. The state takes its politics seriously, even if they elect a confusing blend of contradictory political figures. This electoral bi-polar disorder causes the state to elect Democrat Barack Obama as President and conservative Republican Scott Walker as governor. The state has sent both socialists (Rep. Victor Berger) and rabid anti-communists (Sen. Joe McCarthy) to Congress. No matter what your politics, you’ll find someone who agrees with you in Wisconsin.

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HOT DRINKS

If you live in southern California you rarely have the excuse to enjoy a cup of cocoa or a hot toddy, much less a hot buttered rum or a little bourbon in your coffee. In Wisconsin, you can justifiably drink those for months. It might even be necessary.

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HOW WISCONSIN ROLLS

Look, Wisconsin isn’t the bowling paradise of North Dakota, but it does have 212 bowling alleys and bowling-positive culture that values a person who can pick up the spare with a 7-10 split.

2412_1067381855524_4349_nSource:  Cardinal Ale House & Bowl in Columbus, WI

PREDATOR-FREE AQUATIC RECREATION

Wisconsin residents spend a lot of time on the water. Whether fishing, paddling, or boating, locals take advantage of the 15,074 lakes and 13,500 miles of navigable streams and rivers. The best part is there isn’t one shark, crocodile, or alligator to take a bite out of you.

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Source: Thomas Peschak

WINTER FITNESS

In some states, people complain the winter weather keeps them from exercising, but in Wisconsin winter provides you an excellent workout in the form of all the snow you’ll be shoveling.

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Photo Source: Art Of Manliness 

THIRD-SHIFT HAPPY HOUR

Happy hours are great for those who enjoy discount drinks and food, but what if you work nights? Many a Wisconsin bar offers “third-shift” happy hours for nurses, firefighters and assembly-line workers, so they can still get cheap beer at 8:30am.

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HUNTING

Wisconsin is an ideal state for hunters currently living in states crowded with more hunters than deer. The “2nd Best State for Whitetails for 2013,” Wisconsin has 5 million acres of public hunting land and has ranked first over the last decade in B&C trophy production.

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MILKMAIDS

You won’t have to wait until the 8th day of Christmas to meet any “maids a milking” because there are thousands of dairy workers caring for the state’s 1.4 million dairy cows. More than 40% of employees on these dairy farms are immigrants, and dairy farms say they’re having trouble filling positions. Would you like to show that high school guidance counselor how wrong he/she is and become a milk maid yourself?

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WISCONSIN HOMES FOR SALE

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Are you ready to move to Wisconsin? The median home price in Wisconsin is $94,000, which is considerably cheaper than in many other parts of the country. View some Wisconsin homes for sale on Estately, a fabulous real estate search site…

DID WE FORGET ANYTHING FROM THE LIST? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS

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  • Lindsay

    If you dont like it…dont come here. I love my home state of Wisconsin. Constantly bashing it does you no good. There are things wrong in every state. But we have a killer education system, rocking parties (which you clearly hate, along with anything else fun) and some of the nicest people in the nation. Got a problem? Get out.

  • WI native

    Have you driven in some of the states around us? I’ll take our roads. They are far better than many others…

  • James Buchen

    Let’s see what else… venison sticks and all venison in general, 4 UW campus’s rank in the top 100 across the nation for partying/beer consumption campus’, tons of camping areas, New Glarus/Leinenkugels/Point/half a dozen other small breweries that produce better tasting beer than the major brewers, the Kickapoo River which is the world’s bendiest river, and last but not least Wisconsin holds the #1 and #2 “cities” with the most bars per capita in the US, LaCrosse and Superior.

  • James Buchen

    La Crosse’s is also 2nd internationally behind only Germany, pretty hard to beat ‘em at their own game I’d guess though

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  • badger2

    Wisconsin’s idea of conservation only involves guns. Took less than one year to open a hunting season on wolves (which naturally moved in from Minnesota) after being delisted statewide.

  • Daniel

    Sounds like Krist sits on their ass all day. Get out and enjoy the change of the seasons rather than complaining about them to a computer screen.

  • Kathy Hanegraaf

    Supper Clubs! Need I say more?

  • jan d I rs

    Wisconsin sucks

  • Raven

    Sure Danita. That’s of course why there is only one country music station in a thirty mile radius of Milwaukee! LOL. :P

  • Frances White

    The image for the water park is actually in Austria. Sorry.

  • Amy

    What about the Supper Clubs!!?? Someone has to mention those

  • Jim

    Let’s not forget Seymour Cray the ‘Father of Supercomputer’ from Chippewa Falls. That’s right, Wisconsin – birthplace of the most powerful supercomputers in the world. Take that California.

  • gnryfan

    Uh…JOHNSONVILLE??? How about all that bratwurst? And summer sausage? Road America? Door county? Yeah, you left a few things out.

  • Sarah

    And unemployment is down to 6.2% and dropping.

  • cynicaldriver

    Kopp’s… Oscar’s… You bringin’ back the memories for me! Used to go to Milwaukee a lot as a kid, and every time, we had to flip a coin to decide which one to go to. Amazing places!

  • cynicaldriver

    Move to a lesser known city. Wisconsin Rapids has tons of demand for nursing right now, because our short-sighted idiots-in-charge can’t recognize that healthcare is a bubble too.

  • Wisconsin specialist

    What about tom wopat aka Luke duke from dukes of hazard

  • Lex

    There are people wasting away in bars EVERYWHERE. There are bar fights everywhere. People die because of drunk driving everywhere else, too. Oh, there are single mothers all over the place as well. None of the ignorant statements you’ve made have anything to do with Wisconsin, and clearly, you’re associating with -or at least paying attention to- all the wrong people if you seriously think the majority of the state is just a bunch of worthless alcoholics. Alcoholism does not exist solely in Wisconsin, and we sure as shit didn’t invent it like you seem to think.

  • FantasiaWHT

    LES PAUL!

  • FantasiaWHT

    Birthpace of the Republican Party AND Flag Day!

  • FantasiaWHT

    Arnold Schwarzenegger went to UW-Superior!

  • FantasiaWHT

    How about all the television shows set in Wisconsin?

    That 70′s Show
    Happy Days
    Laverne & Shirley
    Young & the Restless
    Step By Step
    Picket Fences

    Honorable Mention – that shows set elsewhere that feature a character from Wisconsin

    Roz from Frasier
    One of the staffers (forget which) from Spin City

  • kevin

    false, west bend has 92.5 a country station, located between 20 and 25 miles from milwaukee…

  • thisguy

    Fresh milk means fresh cheese for amazing pizza. It also means fresh ICE CREAM.

  • Garrrtt

    Am Capone was from Wisconsin. But also a lot of serial killers. Like Dahmer and Ed Geien.

  • Zats

    Dont Forget that “That 70′s Show” and “Happy Days” Both take place in Wisconsin.

  • Verb

    I’m from Seattle, and lived in Madison for three years after college. I’d never heard of Friday Fish Fry until I lived in WI. What I miss is Walleye Weekend in Fond du Lac!

  • Annie

    Pius XI hangout to say the least

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  • Karen

    How about That 70s Show is based out of Point Place WI

  • Jeffery J Gumble

    That’s why Raven said there was one country station..

  • Mary Jo Bell

    La Crosse Oktoberfest!

  • Judy Wobscahall Kline

    Awesome!! I LOVE WISCONSIN!!!

  • Jim

    MUSIC FESTIVALS
    Also the Badgers.

  • Zach

    They didnt say anything about appleton whixh is where houdini lived and also the first house on the planet to run on hydroelectric power.

  • strobes

    My grandparents home is for sale.very liveable and probly going for 20k. Talk about cheap! I think that violent femmes and the most interesting man in the world are also wisconsinites

  • Hunter Mcdugal

    He also forgot about Ed Gein and Jeffery Dahmer…

  • Blake Piercy

    Thanks for the blurb about ice fishing, my wife didn’t believe ice fishing was more of a “social” event than anything else till I showed her that. Why she’ll believe a random web page and not me is another discussion. Here in South Mississippi we have raccoon hunting for the same purpose. Hard to guess what I’d like less, moving an ice shack with a hangover or finding lost dogs with a hangover!

  • ebolson

    Correction the only 3 warm months

  • ebolson

    Bears fans should hibernate cause none of them can handle Wisconsin winters

  • ebolson

    $5 say that you are from Minnesota

  • http://tueschyouwerehere.blogspot.com/ Colleen

    Um, WTH? No, I don’t live in MN…