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10 States with the Saddest, Loneliest Singles

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Flickr

For many singles, Valentine’s Day is a great day to not be in a relationship. While couples exchange gifts of overpriced jewelry and giant stuffed bears in hopes of a rare night of romance, singles are free to do as they please. However, there are some U.S. states where area singles aren’t living it up and making the most of their freedom. These are the ten states with the saddest, loneliest singles…

1. Pennsylvania

2. Florida

3. New York

4. Ohio (tie)

4. Kansas (tie)

6. Massachusetts

7. Georgia (tie)

7. Illinois (tie)

9. Washington

10. New Jersey

How did we decide on these ten?

In addition to cat ownership stats, we used Google Trends to map out a variety of online searches we felt reflected a desperate desire to meet someone, as well as obvious methods for coping with a life alone. These included searches for…

  • How to meet women?
  • How to meet men?
  • Why am I single?
  • Personal pan pizza
  • Porn
  • Vibrator
  • Morrissey
  • Danielle Steele
  • Blowup Doll
  • Life Alert Emergency Response
  • Cooking for one
  • Bottle of wine glass (a wine glass that can contain an entire bottle of wine)
  • Snuggie
  • Mail order bride

1st—Pennsylvania (68 points)

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The key to finding love and happiness may include not living in the Keystone State. Pennsylvania comes out at the absolute bottom of Estately’s singles’ misery index with terrible scores in multiple categories. Judging by their online searches, locals cope with being alone by staying active in fantasy football, reading Danielle Steele romance novels, and enjoying candlelight dinners with their blowup dolls.

  • 1st in searches for “blowup doll” and “Snuggie”
  • 2nd in searches for “Life Alert Emergency Response” and “cooking for one”

2nd—Florida (54 points)

jim-halpert-blow-up-doll

Florida singles spend their time at home, daydreaming about the attractiveness of their Life Alert dispatcher, and asking the search engine gods “How to meet men?” Cheer up, there are plenty of fish at the shuffleboard court.

  • 3rd in searches for “Life Alert Emergency Response”and “How to meet men?”
  • 2nd in searches for “blowup doll”

3rd—New York (49 points)

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Zimannequin Etsy Store

Are you a woman looking to have it all in New York, but are struggling to find a mate? It could be because New York State is lacking in men—just 48.5% of the population. Ask yourself, do you really want to risk becoming a Carrie Bradshaw stereotype? Have you considered moving to Delaware or Virginia, two states that didn’t crack the top ten in any of our criteria?

  • 1st in online searches for “How to meet men?” / “Why am I single?”
  • Right now, as you read this, dozens of lonely singles are writing Sex and the City fan fiction in their New York apartments.

4th (tie)—Ohio (43 points)

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HuntForDates.com

Ohio is fertile ground when it comes heartbreak, resentment, and breakups, but enough about how Jimmy Haslam runs the Cleveland Browns…

  • Ohio made the top ten in 11/17 categories—most of any state.
  • 3rd in searches for “Danielle Steele” (Maine was #1).

4th (tie)—Kansas (43 points)

mail-order-brides3-tm

Even if you don’t count the loss of Dorothy to the Land of Oz, Kansas is lacking in available women.

  • 1st in searches for “How to meet women?”
  • 1st in searches for “cooking for one”
  • 3rd in searches for “mail order bride”

6th—Massachusetts (41 points)

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Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight, someone is guzzling wine, listening to Morrissey, and lamenting their relationship status. And that somewhere is Massachusetts.

  • 3rd in searches for “Morrissey” / “Why am I single?” / “bottle of wine glass”

7th (tie)—Georgia (36 points)

Really-love-your-peaches-wanna-shake-your-tree

Georgians love their peaches, but many residents struggle to find that special someone to “shake their tree.” While they wait, Georgians apparently find comfort in pornography and pizza delivery. Single life in Georgia is basically how 50% of adult films begin.

  • 2nd in searches for “How to meet men” / “personal pan pizza”
  • 3rd in searches for “porn”

7th (tie)—Illinois (36 points)

Snapshot 2:10:14 3:18 PM

Groupon is leaving millions on the table by not offering a deal for 50% off a box of wine, deep-dish pizza delivery, and an adult DVD rental.

  • 4th in searches for “porn” / “fantasy football” / “Why am I single?” / “How to meet men?”
  • Those who search for “porn” and “fantasy football” probably don’t need to search online for “Why am I single?”

9th—Washington State (35 points)

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ThePamperedStitcher Etsy Store

After cleaning the litter box of their lone companion, Washington’s single women apparently like to sit down at the computer with a large glass of wine and look up—ACK!!!!—Cathy comics. Washington’s men are no better, busily slurping Merlot from a Harry Potter goblet, daydreaming about their mail order bride, and knitting Star Wars costumes for their feline friends. People, this is no kind of dating pool to swim in.

  • 1st in searches for “bottle of wine glass”
  • 2nd in searches for “Cathy comics” (D.C. is #1)
  • 6th in searches for “mail order bride”
  • 5th in cat ownership

10th—New Jersey (32 points)

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If you’re a UPS driver delivering two Snuggies to an address in New Jersey there’s a good chance that one of those Snuggies is for the resident’s blowup doll. That’s all kinds of depressing.

  • 2nd in searches for “Why am I single” and “Snuggie”
  • 3rd in searches for “blowup doll”

Are you mad that your state was left off this list? Please, tell us all about it in the comments.

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