Which U.S. States Have The Worst Thanksgivings?

Ryan Nickum

Nov 18

Lists + Maps

Thanksgiving misery

Thanksgiving is the time of year when Americans gather together to give thanks, and also to argue politics, yell at the TV, listen to that drunk uncle slander whole ethnic groups, and fight their neighbors in Wal-Mart parking lots during Black Friday sales. Thanksgiving can be a miserable day, which made Estately wonder if there were states where conditions on the ground increased the likelihood of a terrible Thanksgiving. We crunched the numbers using the six criteria below to determine if the state you live in is prime habitat for a downer of a Thanksgiving.

1. Likelihood of a family food poisoning episode

-Most cases of salmonella per capita derived from poultry in the past five years (CDC)

2. Likelihood of relatives getting drunk and making a scene

-Prevalence of binge drinking among adults per capita (CDC)

3. Likelihood of political arguments

-States with most even split between democratic and republican voters (2012 Presidential election results)

4. Dietary restrictions impacting meal quality

States with highest rates of diabetes (CDC) and highest percentage of vegetarians/vegans (Facebook user data)

5. Likelihood of favorite NFL team losing on Thanksgiving

-Losing percentage for Thanksgiving Day games of residents’ favorite teams(s)—(National Football League, Facebook)

6. Likelihood of guests/cooks abandoning meal to shop a Black Friday sale

-Percentage of Facebook users expressing interest in Black Friday sales—(Facebook user data)

thanksgiving-chart

 

Profiles of the ten most miserable states to spend Thanksgiving

1. OHIO

Ohio won the title of The Most Miserable State to Spend Thanksgiving by an overwhelming margin. If any state will feature a simultaneous argument about Benghazi and the ethics of eating meat it will be over a plate of sugar-free pumpkin pie at an Ohio dining room table. Family divisions will only get more heated when the severely inebriated and the guests with food poisoning fight over who gets to use the bathroom first.

2. IOWA

Political differences + binge drinking combine to make an Iowa family Thanksgiving feel just like if FOX News and MSNBC accidentally booked their holiday parties for the same venues.

3. PENNSYLVANIA

Only after agreeing to cook a Tofurkey alongside the actual Turkey, and once arguments over Obama’s real country of birth have died down, and after everyone has another drink, only then can Pennsylvanians give thanks that both the Steelers and Eagles have a legitimate chance to meet in the SuperBowl.

4. ARIZONA

There are only a few things you can count on during an Arizona Thanksgiving—the Arizona Cardinals losing and someone struggling to convince the others that meat-free side dishes and sugar-free desserts taste delicious.

5. WISCONSIN

After a long year of farming cranberries it’s not surprising Wisconsin likes to kick its feet up a bit on Thanksgiving. Plus, the Packers traditionally don’t play well on Thanksgiving, so it’s not surprising Packers fans choose to binge drink and black out before halftime/dinner.

6. NEBRASKA

It’s a Nebraska tradition to loosen one’s belt well before dinner to make room for a flask of bourbon just in case you know who goes and drinks all the wine.

7. ALASKA

Maybe everyone wouldn’t have food poisoning if the turkey had been cooked all the way through, but no, the cooks were too busy basting their livers in white wine and Baileys…

8. MAINE

Grandpa’s recent health troubles mean there will be no gravy this year, and absolutely no mention of Hilary Clinton running for president in 2016. Anyone who breaks this rule is not allowed to touch the box wine and will be added to Uncle Grover’s email joke list.

9. VIRGINIA

Located on the border of sweet potato pie country and pumpkin pie land, the good people of Virginia will spend a good portion of their dinners debating the merits of Obamacare for treating everybody’s diabetes.

10. MISSOURI

There are cheaper ways to get out of doing dishes on Thanksgiving, but Missourians rushing off to catch the Black Friday sales is somehow the most socially acceptable one.

Need to change where you live? Check out homes for sale across the country on Estately.com

 

–     –     –     –     –

 

OTHER ARTICLES FROM ESTATELY

U.S. States Most/Least Likely to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

Here’s What Each State Googles More Than Any Other

The Top U.S. Cities for Douchebags

Related Articles

worst states3

Finally, All 50 States Ranked from Worst to Best

Attempting to rank all 50 U.S. states (and the District of Columbia) from worst to best is definitely a challenge. There are so many things to factor in and people will definitely criticize for being subjective... until now. Somehow Estately accomplished the impossible and has successfully ranked each state from absolute worst to complete best using the following eight factors.

Read more
1-percent-home-sales-featured

The 1% Most Expensive Homes for Each State

There are numerous maps and charts showing how much you have to earn to be in the 1% for most income, but what about for homeownership? Estately real estate search set out to determine the minimum it would cost to buy one of the 1% most expensive homes in each state.

Read more
google question mapx1

You Won’t Believe The Questions Each State Googles More Than Any Other State

Americans have no shortage of questions, and the internet no shortage of answers.

Read more
beer map

The United States of Beer—A Rebuttal to Budweiser’s America

The King of Beers may be the brand most synonymous with America internationally, but the United States of America is 50 states strong, and each individual state deserves to be paired with a beer that best represents it. Here are Estately's suggestions...

Read more
mom map

Mom-related terms each state Googles more than any other

Mother's Day is nearly upon us so Estately set out to see how Americans differ when it comes to Google searches related to Mother's Day, motherhood, celebrity moms, fictional moms, and all things mom-related.

Read more
ValentinesDayMap1-featured

Valentine’s Day-Related Gifts Each State Googles More Frequently Than Other States

Valentine's Day is nearly upon us, which means millions of Americans are wondering what they will receive on this most romantic of days. We found out what gifts each state Googled more frequently than people in all other states.

Read more
Doughnut-1023029-m-1

America’s Best and Worst Cities for Donuts

Ease of finding quality crullers should be a top priority when choosing where to live, so we analyzed Yelp data to determine America's best and worst cities for donuts.

Read more
7251544360_fa2ccd0a3e_b_jpg__1024×809_

America’s 5 Best and Worst Cities for Hamburgers

Saturday is National Hamburger Day, and here at Estately, we take burgers very seriously. So seriously in fact, that we combed through Yelp data to create this attractive map of America's best and worst cities for burgers.

Read more
marijuana-map-cover

These Are the Most Marijuana-Enthused States in America

Recreational marijuana is legal in only four U.S. states (and the District of Columbia), but its use stretches much farther than that. With its popularity growing, and more states leaning toward legalizing it, Estately set out to map which states are the best places for marijuana enthusiasts to live and buy a home.

Read more
romantic-homes-map-featured

These U.S. Cities Have the Most Romantic Homes for Sale

In honor of Valentine's Day, the real estate search experts at Estately set out to determine which cities have the most romantic homes for sale.

Read more
MHV map blog

What to buy with the equivalent of your state’s median home value

Buying a home is one of the most important financial decisions a person will make, but that's because it's the most money a person will spend on one thing in their lifetime. Home buyers in Hawaii, where the median home value is $504,500, will spend considerably more than those in West Virginia, where the median home value is $100,200.

Read more